you're the train that crashed my heart
by blairswaldorfs
Summary: Tumbling down stairs, hands reaching for the crown. Stumbling to reach the throne. -— serenablair step sisters au. multiple pairings.


**notes:** everytime i start a new multi chapter i never finish it, i just don't have the dedication. or skill, you know. but here i go again, another try at writing a multi chap. so this is au. _duh. _i switch between tenses very easily, past tense turns to present tense turns to past turns to present. i'm sorry, i try to stop it but it's difficult. heaps of pairings! so suggest a pairing if you would like to see something happen with them but nate, dan and chuck will all be involved with serena and blair at some point. i'm open to anything tbh.

—

_the pilot._

When Blair Waldorf returned to New York City after four months of France, she didn't expect to find her mother's finger wrapped up in a brilliant diamond. Nor, did she expect to find Lily van der Woodsen standing next to their winding staircase chatting to interior decorators about a new colour scheme for the house. Louis Vuitton suitcases land on the ground with a furious thump, Eleanor turns around to face her, sighing at her only daughters antics as she moves in for a hug. A hug that Blair refuses as her hand gestures to the ring on Eleanor's finger, and Lily van der Woodsen redecorating their home.

"We're getting married." Eleanor states. Blair feels her whole world crumbling around her. She's just come back from a wedding, her father's and Roman's wedding to be exact. Now upon entering her kingdom, her mother is getting married? To _Lily van der Woodsen_ no less. Blair lets out a small laugh, there'll be divorce papers lying on the table within a month.

It was that moment Dorota chose to pick up her suitcases, a tentative look planted on her face as she tried to usher Blair up the steps. The brunette let out a huff, rolling her eyes as she climbed up the stairs; a firm hand on the railing, brunette curls bobbing against her chest. Soon she had disappeared from Eleanor and Lily's view, and they had disappeared from hers. Her hand curled around the doorknob of her room, pushing it open. Dorota placed her suitcases on the floor as Blair fell face first onto her bed; kicking her feet up in the air in fury. _Her mother was getting married, _married_! and hadn't bothered to tell her! _To say that she was mad would be an understatement.

Blair could feel the presence of Dorota in the room, hovering in the doorway. Torn between helping and leaving; Blair let out a frustrated gurgle, kicking her legs some more. "_Leave_, Dorota!" She snaps, the words falling out of her mouth before she can stop them.

Blair didn't know Lily van der Woodsen very well, she was high society but had moved to California over ten years ago. She had only stepped foot back in New York three months ago, while Blair was away in France. Rumours circulated around her, though. Splashed front page of the news, _another husband bites the dust! _Blair's upper row of teeth fall on her bottom lip as she rolls over on the bed so she's lying on her back before she sits herself up; racing towards where her suitcases lie in a bundle on the floor, she swipes her handbag from off the top of them. Hand diving inside of it, searching around for her phone. She hadn't checked Gossip Girl for four months, a promise to herself after she had left for France. After the wreck that was Nate and Chuck and _all that_. She's surprised even herself by turning back up in the city but she had to face the music sometime. New York needs a Queen, and she's the only queen that they have.

Fingers tap impatiently across the screen, waiting for it to load. With a frustrated sigh, a stamp of her foot and a shake of her curls, she tosses the phone onto her bed as she digs through her suitcases searching for her laptop. By the time she finds it she guesses that the page would of already of loaded. Pushing the phone out of the way, she takes a seat on her bed, crossing her legs before she places her laptop on her lap. The Gossip Girl website is quickly loaded, images flicking past her eyes. Penelope was splashed front page, decked out in a wine coloured gown; Chuck Bass dangling off of her arm, a sly grin perched on his lips. Blair's fingers trembled as she moved the page down to read the caption, eyes skimming across the witty lines. Was Penelope the new queen? Took her dignity and now her crown, Blair wouldn't put it past her, of course; had expected it all along yet it still hurt like daggers coursing through her body.

With a sigh she closes the lid of her laptop, while she really should be researching what had gone on while she was abroad, she doesn't have the energy. Would rather see rumours about herself than other people; she should still be dominating the front page, she should be the one with boys who have wicked smiles dangling off of her arm. Not Penelope Shafai with her fake eyelashes and her last season Dior, or _anybody _else for that matter. Blair's throne should of been saved for her, waiting for her return. There's still a chance it is free, but there's also a chance that Penelope or (god forbid) Jenny _Humphrey _have taken up residence for the time being.

A yawn escapes through her mouth, arms stretching upwards and eyes lightly fluttering close before opening again. All signs that she needs her rest, she has a big day ahead of her tomorrow. Taking back her crown from whatever wannabee has stolen it while she was away, dealing with her mothers new found mess of an engagement _and _dealing with whatever state she last left her affairs in. Tomorrow would be a big day, filled with backstabbing, gossip and mayhem. Blair could hardly wait, body tingling with excitement at just the mere thought of tearing apart a new victim tomorrow. She had missed scheming alongside her fellow New Yorkers, the French never did it as well as her own kin could.

Donning a fresh pair of silk pajamas, she climbed into bed. The familiar ringtone flowed through the air, her phone buzzing on the nightstand next to her. Hands greedily grabbed for it, a Gossip Girl blast appearing on her screen, (she had resigned herself up for the blasts while getting changed). She stared at herself on the screen, Grand Central Station looming in the background of the picture, sunglasses pushed on her face, brown curls tumbling down her shoulders. _Queen B is back, _the caption read. A familiar pit of fire began in her stomach, slowly spreading through her body. She is back, she's fucking _back_. The previous rush of excitement returning, tomorrow awaits her presence and everybody will be expecting her now. Eyes scanned over the post, genuinely surprised by the lovely words Gossip Girl had supplied her with.

_ — we know why she left, we don't need to revisit that again. why is she back? is it to take back her throne, the throne that is rightfully hers. i would watch out if i were you, my darling UES. the bitch is back, and she's going to make all of us pay.  
_

—

Serena van der Woodsen had spent the night wrapped up in Nate's lips at the Archibald townhouse instead of returning home. Her new home, with her mother, her brother and her mother's fiancee. Sighing, she slipped on her school uniform from yesterday. Nate was still in a peaceful state of sleep. Serena studied him as she shrugged on her blazer, flicking her hair out from underneath it. It scared her, how much she felt for him. Back in California she had had fling after fling, a string of boys with heart eyes directed at her. Upon arriving in New York, it was the same. _Of course it would be_, but it was also different. Nate was different, she grinned at him debating whether or not to wake him or not.

She chose to slip away from the scene quietly, leaving him to be. The Archibald household was quiet, whereas outside was not. Quite a contrast, Serena thought briefly as she fiddled around in her bag for a pack of cigarettes. She lit one up on the sidewalk, leaning against brick walls as she waited for a taxi to pass by. Entranced, she watched the smoke billow out of her mouth and into the air. Eyes widening as she spotted a taxi in the distance, slowing down as she ran out towards the curb, flinging out her hand to wave it down.

Pulling open the door, she slipped inside. Leaning against the seats, she mumbled the address of her new school. Closing her eyes, she let out a soft sigh. She had History first, she thinks. Her phone beeps in her bag, praying it wasn't the anonymous and horrible blogger Gossip Girl, she pulled it out of her bag. A new text, it read. Her fingers slid across the screen, opening up the text from _Nate. _Her heart swelled at the thought of him, waking up confused and alone. _where r u? did u leave? _Lips pull downwards as she types out a reply; she only felt slightly guilty for leaving, but he looked so peaceful! She couldn't bare to wake him. **  
**

She glances out the window; sees the looming school in the distance. Briefly, she touches her head. Hands flying to the imaginary crown that was placed atop her head on the first day. Swarms of students bowing down to her, Penelope scowling at the girl draped in the title of Queen. Pulling out a twenty dollar note, she tosses it to the driver, sliding out of the car and making her way towards the school. Penelope is out the front, waiting for her. Impatiently tapping her heels against the ground, she grabs her by the elbow when she's close enough. Pulls her towards a secluded corner.

"She's back." Penelope states hurriedly, glancing around the school as if waiting for a monster to pop out of thin air. Serena stands there dumbfounded.

"Who's back?" She asks, a little annoyed that Penelope had to work in riddles. She wasn't very fond of Penelope, maybe it was the looks she shot Nate (_her Natie_) or maybe it was because there was just _something _that screamed trouble; to run. Serena sighed, waiting for Penelope to dish the details of who's back.

"Blair!" Penelope stressed the word, rolling her eyes as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Don't you read Gossip Girl?" Penelope shakes her head, turning back to watch the swarm of students, trying to find this Blair person. Serena keeps her mouth quiet from then, not really wanting to know who Blair was if Penelope wouldn't give up the information. She spots Nate arriving to school, she'd just ask him. He wears a worried frown when she approaches him, which soon turns into a small radiant smile when he sees her. It falls again soon, back to the frown. Serena wraps her arms around him, pecking his cheek lightly. She can feel Penelope burning daggers into her back.

Then everything around her become silent, students stopped talking; they became still, silent as a leg slid out of a limo and a girl appeared. A girl that looked like the pictures Eleanor had arranged around the penthouse, at _home_. It felt like everyone was holding in a breath, awaiting something terrible. Students parted for her as her heels clicked against the concrete as she walked inside the gates. Eyes flitting around her.

She soon disappeared within the corridors of the school, a chorus of relieved breaths followed. Students going back to their normal activities. Chuck Bass weaved through the crowd, making a beeline for Nate and Serena. The shorter blonde sighed, rolling his eyes as Chuck approached him. Serena smiled at Chuck, he was legendary around here but she didn't know him very well. At all, really. Brief talks in class, at parties. You know, the usual. Nate, on the other hand, nearly growled as Chuck said a casual hey.

"Why are you talking to me, Chuck?" Nate spit out his name like it was poison, venom lacing every word he said. Serena had never seen him like this before, he was angry, he was mad; she was a little nervous around him. What had Chuck done? Chuck rolled his eyes while making some gesture with his hands that probably meant nothing.

"See, Nathaniel. I feel like we need to put up a strong front. Waldorf doesn't need to know that she caused us to stop being friends," Chuck explained, as if it was the most simple thing in the world to understand. "Best friends." He tacked onto the end. Serena was now officially confused. Something had happened before she had arrived; something that had stopped Nate and Chuck being friends? They were friends? She shakes her head lightly as they argue between themselves. It involved the brunette that had caused the school to stop and stare?

Serena's hand flutters to the top of her head again, to the imaginary crown that sits there. Not for long, she guesses. Not if Blair has anything to say about it. She was the Queen before she arrived, wasn't she? It's what she wants to ask Penelope, but Penelope is off somewhere that isn't in the courtyard. She wants to ask Nate but he's furious, as if saying Blair's name burns his tongue. Burns his heart, it burns her own as she tries to fit the pieces of the puzzles together without any answers.

—

Blair's heel taps impatiently on the ground, her pen flicking against the desk. A satisfied smirk on her lips, leaning back in her chair as the gossip mill starts to roll. Whispers floating around her ears as girls bicker about why she's back and where she went. Then in floated a tall girl with long blonde tresses and the room became silent; girls smiled, chatting away to the girl after a few minutes, practically _begging_ her to pay attention to them. Penelope flanked her right, Jenny Humphrey her left. There was no doubt in Blair's mind that this was the new Queen of Constance.

"Serena van der Woodsen, sit." In entered the teacher, the blonde girls name rolling off of her tongue. Van der Woodsen. Serena van der Woodsen. She'd heard about the girl, infamous for partying and mayhem. Blair rolls her eyes; she'll have to _live _with the girl who stole her throne? She grins at Miss Lions, who smiles back in return while announcing Blair's presence to the class and how _utterly wonderful _it was to have her back. Blair gives the class a gracious smile, shaking her head a little like it was no big deal while issuing Miss Lions a thank you.

Isabel and Kati are chattering in the corner, eyes flicking to Blair every so often. A smirk pulls across her face, those girls will be dying to get back into her good graces before the hour is over. She tunes out of the lesson, concentrating more on whether or not she'll be letting her old minions join her new group. A silent dejected sigh falls out of her mouth, _of course _she would let them back in. After they beg and grovel and make it up to her, of course but every Queen needs an army and she's known Isabel and Kati since she could walk and talk. Penelope on the other hand? The girl was a grade A bitch, which was both utterly perfect and utterly terrible.

"Blair!" Kati's harsh whisper reached her ears, she acts like she hasn't heard it. Foot tapping against the ground, waiting for her name to be called again. When it is, she swivels around in her chair slightly glaring at Kati. Isabel smiles a little; Blair takes note that it's a nervous smile.

"Wanna grab lunch with us?" Kati asks casually, curling a piece of hair around her finger. Blair pulls her lips downwards, rolling her eyes. _As if_. Honestly, did they think she was going to forgive them straight away? She shrugs her shoulders, scribbling onto the book in front of her. "We'll be at JG Melon if you want to join us!" Isabel adds, her voice laced with excitement. Blair scrunches up her nose, _JG Melon? Burgers? _They weren't from Brooklyn!

"You girls have _got _to be kidding. Burgers? Really, girls. I'm gone for four months and you resort to Brooklyn tendencies. I'll be on the MET steps, eating yogurt. I expect to see the two of you there," and with that the conversation is over. Signaled by Blair turning away to face the board, leaving the two girls silent as they fiddle with their pens. They'll be there, everyone knows not to refuse an offer issued by Blair Waldorf.

"What's wrong with burgers?" A new voice pops up, demanding Blair's attention. Blair twists her body to face her, turning to see Serena van der Woodsen; lips pulled down in confusion as she leaned forward in the seat situated behind Kati and Is, Penelope flanked on her side. Blair let out a laugh, shaking her head like she was crazy; which in all fairness, she _might _be.

"They're _burgers_." Blair emphasised the word in a whisper. Quickly spinning around in her seat before they could ask her any more questions. Already she was drained from talking to them. The bell rang, sending a shrill through out the class room as students got up to move to their next class. Blair was the first one out, back straight, head forward. _Show them they haven't affected you at all_, but the whispers only got louder as she rounded the corner. The stares only became more intense. Blair thought she could handle this, thought that she could come back her and sit right back on her throne but she could feel her shoulders slumping. Her eyes sought out the bathroom, quietly making her way inside of it.

She quickly checked the stalls to see if anybody was here. She faced herself in the mirror, seeking out the flaws and faults. She was stronger now, she didn't do that anymore. It was tempting, all it would take was a few minutes and then she would be done. Maybe then she could be good enough; for the girls, for _her_. Her phone buzzed, a new Gossip Girl alert lighting up on screen. A snap of Serena, long golden locks and bright blue eyes. Blair hated her already, envy filling up her heart as she read the text.

_Should **S** be fighting for her crown now that **Queen B **is back? Who would win in a war between them? Send me your votes and any information you have! —GG._

If it was a war they wanted, it was a war they would get. Blair was going to get her crown back, she was going to get _everything_ back. She straightened out her blazer, fixed her skirt and smiled her best smile. She fiddled around in her purse for a second, searching for her lipstick as the door to the bathroom was pushed open, only to reveal Serena and _Nate fucking Archibald_. Blair froze, eyes wide as she watched them. The two blondes froze as they caught sight of Blair, her lipstick falling back into her purse as she smiled bitchily at them.

"Looks like you've downgraded since I've been gone." Blair stated before walking past the two of them and heading towards her next class. Her heart pounding in her chest. All she knew was that she had to get of here, out of this school but she ducked into her class anyway. She needed to keep up appearances.

"Blair Waldorf!" The teacher exclaimed, _oh god_. She had Mrs Ryans? The teacher smiled at her, surprised to see her before she frowned; a stern look replacing the happy expression. "You're late." She stated harshly. A string of apologises rushed out of Blair's mouth, but no excuses, as she sat down in the only spare seat at the back of the class. Next to Chuck Bass.

This had to be her lucky day, hadn't it? She sucked in a breath, waiting for whatever he had to say but it never came. Blair Waldorf may as well of been invisible for all the attention Chuck handed her. No looks, no smarmy remarks. Not even a hi. It felt like she was being stabbed in the chest; _was she really that invisible? _She would take anything she could get at the moment but everyone seemed intent on ignoring her. It looked like the snickering was over and the silence had begun.

"Are you not going to talk to me?" Blair whispered, taking her eyes off of the board to face Chuck. Reluctantly he faced her, mocha eyes drinking her up before his usual smirk fell into place.

"And why would I waste my time with talking to you?" He leaned in closer; she could practically feel his breath on his skin. She rolled her eyes with disgust, she was sick of this. She didn't deserve to be treated like this, like she had done something _wrong_. Chuck pushed a note onto her desk, her fingers began to crawl towards it. Inching closer and closer, she could feel his eyes on her. Waiting like she was his prey; her hands snatched up a new pencil instead. Ignoring the note completely.

Dying to know what it said, but not willing to risk giving him what he wanted. She was starting to wonder why she came back. Life was so _perfect _in Paris. Everything was easier there, simple, beautiful. New York may be her home, but it was a messy home where nobody wanted her. At least in Paris they loved her, adored her. Her father and Roman paid attention to her, spoiled her. The girls adored her, envied her. The boys wanted her, were nice to her.

Blair was so lost in her thoughts that she hadn't even noticed the bell had rung until the moving students snapped her out of her daze. She gathered her things, waiting until Chuck had exited the room before swiping up the note and pushing it inside her pocket while hoping nobody had seen her. Her throne was calling for her, and it was about time she took it back. Starting with lunch on the MET steps with Kati and Is. She would think about inviting Penelope tomorrow if it went well today.

—

Serena pulled her hair back into a ponytail as she walked down the hallway and into Mr Donovan's room, sending the girls a quick text that she wouldn't be able to make lunch today. Ben had requested her presence, she bit down on her lip worriedly. He'd never asked for her at school before, her hands swiped over her skirt hoping to rid them of any sweat. She prayed that it wasn't about her grades; she wasn't doing this for her grades but it would be a nice bonus if he managed to help her maintain them at a good standard.

She twisted open the door, letting a blast of cool air hit her as she walked inside. He looked up from his desk, smiling at her. _He was gorgeous_, Serena smiled back as she reached behind her to close the door. And lock it. He gestured for her to sit down, she obliged. Her skirt creeping up her legs as she crossed her legs over one another. He pulled out a paper, her name glaring back at her on the front.

"You failed." He stated, worry lines creasing across his forehead. Fuck, the exact thing she feared was staring back at her. Serena had known that it wasn't good, an essay quickly written in half an hour before she went over to Nate's. Gloss covered lips popped open to explain but no words fell out; no excuses were to be made, she could very easily get him to change his whole mind about the grades.

"Can you let it slide. Just this once, please?" Serena pouted. It worked every time, on everyone. Nobody could deny her any thing. Ben shook his head, pushing the paper back into the pile. Serena's lips opened up in shock, _what? _He couldn't be saying no to her. Her eyebrows furrowed as she crossed her arms across her chest.

"I'm not exchanging sex for grades here. I didn't think you were, either." He said softly. Serena rolled her eyes, they had talked about this. Many times. But did it really hurt to just make sure she did well in school? Ben stood up, walking over to where she was and placing a light kiss on her lips. She tried to keep frowning but a silly grin took over her face instead. She kisses him back, hands winding around his neck. Ben pulls back.

"Not here." Ben stated, flashing her another smile before moving back to his desk. Serena sighed, slumping in her chair as she twirled a strand of blonde hair around her finger. She waited for him to finish marking papers, maybe then they could go back to his place—

"Oh, aren't you going to leave?" Ben glanced back up at her, curious as he watched her. "I'm not going to be finished any time soon," He pointed towards the papers, a boyish grin plastered on his face. Serena pulled her lips into a tight smile as she stood up, giving him a quick goodbye. Serena hates this, the whole sneaking around thing. The sleeping with a teacher thing. She feels guilty, because she has Nate and Nate doesn't know _but _it's nice to get attention from Ben, when he hands it out, that is. Lately he hasn't been giving her a lot of attention, just brushing her off like that.

Serena wanders through the empty halls alone, head hanging low. She pulls out her phone, expecting to see a reply from any of the girls but there's nothing. Sighing, she shrugs on a jacket and walks outside. Her stomach growled, letting her know just how hungry she was. Turning up at JG Melon, she walked towards their usual spot, only to find it empty. Had her girls ditched her for Blair Waldorf's offer? Serena frowned, turning away from the joint on her heel. What was so special about Blair Waldorf that they decided to meet her instead for lunch, without even notifying Serena that they would not be in attendance.

Maybe Serena should just march right over there, sit down next to Blair Waldorf— _oh_. Waldorf? Waldorf, as in Eleanor Waldorf? Blair Waldorf as in Eleanor Waldorf's daughter. It all started to dawn as her, as she slowed down in the middle of a busy sidewalk that she would be living with the girl. There was nothing bad about it, so far it seemed like she would be a lot of fun to be around. Except for the whole hating Serena part of her, or was that just a vibe she was giving off? Serena sighed. Again, for about the one billionth time today.

As she rounded the corner she spotted the MET steps. One Blair Waldorf, and no Iz, Kati or Penelope. Or the rest of the girls. One Blair Waldorf and that's all, just scooping yogurt and shoveling it into her mouth. Alone. Serena's heart pulled down, feeling sorry for the brunette. It didn't look like she had anyone. Serena's phone beeped, a new text message appearing.

_srry l8! nvm ur not here :( -P _Serena laughed, getting ready to turn around and head back to have burgers for lunch with her best friends when Nate called her name. She watched him rush past the MET steps, Blair's eyes lingering on him as he came to give her a hug. He stood up on his tip toes as he wrapped his arms around her. She laughed, squeezing him tight. Blue eyes focused on the cracks in the pavement as she hold onto him tightly, guilt washing over her like a big wave.

"Already eaten?" He asked, lips quirking into a thin line. Serena shakes her head, looping their arms together and resting her head against his shoulder. Half of her wishes that he would leave her alone; she wouldn't have to feel so guilty about all of this then but then he's kissing the side of her head and she's forgetting about her latest betrayal. She's hurt people before, what makes Nate any different? _because you love him_, her mind whispers back but she chooses to ignore it.

The girls kiss her cheeks when they arrive. Penelope tries her best to gain Nate's attention, and they all eat burgers while chatting about the latest drama and gossip. Blair Waldorf doesn't come up which she's thankful for. Her stomach churns when her name is mentioned and it's only the first day of knowing her. There's just _something _about her that Serena can't put her finger on.

"Fuck! We have to get back to school," Serena swears as she slings on her bag. Grabbing Hazel's hand, they rush out the door. All of them full of giddy laughs, and Penelope rambling off about the next party. They all arrive late to school, parting ways as they head towards their next class. Nate twines their fingers together as they walk to Science.

Serena bites her lower lip and pulls him out of school, instead. He looks at her questioningly as they walk along the New York sidewalks instead of listening about chemical reactions. Her phone beeps again, and she curses the damn thing. Ready to throw it at the wall when it appears to be one from her mother, _come home early! _and Serena thinks she might be able to do that. She kisses Nate goodbye at his house, because he's decided that maybe she should deal with her mother on her own. Serena laughs, and pretends like she doesn't know it has nothing to do with _Blair_. She's not supposed to know anything about that anyway, but she makes a mental note to check Gossip Girl when she gets home.

Lily is a mess when she arrives at the Waldorf penthouse. Eleanor trying her best (but failing) to calm her down. "The wedding is ruined!" Lily cries, smashed flower vases lie around her. Eleanor looks up at Serena for help, worry itched in her eyes. Serena's dealt with all this before, though. Many times. Dorota, the maid comes rushing out to clean up the glass. Shaking her head, and speaking in angry Polish.

"The wedding is _not _ruined," Serena sits down next to her mother. Long limbs flailing everywhere like an awkward giraffe. (Eleanor notes how graceful she is while doing so; nothing like Blair). Fingers run through Lily's hair, soothing her as she sobs. "_Everything will be okay_," Serena murmurs. Lily starts to calm down, saying sorry for all the fuss she's caused. Serena shakes her head, "It's okay." She states but when she looks at Eleanor, she wonders if it really is okay because all she sees in her eyes is _fear_.

"What the _fuck_ happened?" It's Blair Waldorf, storming in the house and looking around the floor where vases have been broken and Lily is crying in Serena's arms. Eleanor gasps, instantly scolding her daughter for language. Blair replies by rolling her eyes, pointing at Dorota to tell her what has been going on. The maid starts speaking, _fast _and Serena smiles while she tries to keep up with what the maid is saying. She watches Blair dramatically place a hand on her forehead and mutter about what a mess this whole thing is.

—

Blair narrows her eyes at Serena, sitting on the floor around glass next to her crying mother. She's heard bad things about the van der Woodsen's, harsh rumours but she didn't think the family would be so emotional. The Waldorf's keep everything locked up, tightly stored away; problems aren't mentioned, they're forgotten. You're expected to be perfect. Blair wasn't going to live with people who didn't follow the same rules as her. Who cried over floral arrangements because they thought their wedding was going to be horrible.

Blair wants to bite out a scorching remark, make both of them feel guilty and terrible for entering into their family. Blair holds back, though. Eleanor has witnessed how awful Blair can be, but she doesn't want to give her mother another reason to hate her. Somebody new enters the room, a young boy with brown hair. Serena grins as she spots him, waves him over. He looks around the room, rolling his eyes at the mess like she had and wonders over towards Serena. He helps her up off of the floor, and she shares a hug with him. Blair guesses that he's her younger brother, and her heart hurts because Serena has everything. She has everything, and Blair has only known her for a day.

"I'm Serena, by the way." Serena states, looking at Blair. Her smile all too real. She radiates warmth, beams like sunshine. Blair pales in comparison; sad and angry. If Serena were the sun, if she were the day; Blair would be the moon, the night. Dark and cold, whereas Serena was light and warm. _She hates her_, but she doesn't even know her. Blair doesn't stay around to watch this mess play out. She leaves, lets them play a game of happy families and heads to the one place she knows she'll be welcomed.

Blair toys with the idea of opening the note Chuck had set atop her desk, hand reaching into her bag for it but she decides it can wait for another day. She pulls up to Brooklyn, insides churning with disgust because Brooklyn is the last place Blair Waldorf is to be seen. She clambers out of the taxi, tossing the man operating it a fifty dollar note. Eyes peer at the loft, mentally preparing herself to set foot inside. She thought she was stronger than this, stronger than Brooklyn. She guesses she's not as she pushes open the door and walks up the flight of stairs. Hand poised above the door, getting ready to knock.

—

Serena crawls into bed not long after Blair left in a fury of no words. Silk sheets sliding across her skin. She hates Blair, and she doesn't even know her. Hates the way her energy comes across, hates the way she doesn't even give Serena a chance. She wonders if Blair will come back, maybe try to make amends with the family. To try and _be _a family but all Serena gets is a Gossip Girl blast about Blair. Serena was going to look everything up about the **Queen B **as Gossip Girl herself had dubbed her, but she voted against it.

She twists around in the bed, trying to make herself comfortable but she still feels like an outsider. In this world, in this life. Not comfortable in her own skin. Crawling with guilt as she tries to sleep. Ben doesn't text her. Nate doesn't text her. And the last time she juggled two boys it ended badly, so badly that her mother decided to move to New York and fall in love with Eleanor Waldorf.

Eyelids flutter close, her mind turning blank but her phone beeps again. Hand swipes for it, expecting to find another blast, she finds an unknown number. She opens up the message: _I'm Blair, by the way. _It's something small, it's just a tiny effort and Serena doesn't know Blair (but she hates her) yet her stomach flutters like when she's nervous about a boy. Like it does when she's falling in love, head first, the van der Woodsen way.

It's easier to fall asleep after that. Her dreams aren't filled with handsome teachers or Golden Boys. They're full of dark Queen's sitting alone on the MET steps. Or something like that. Serena tries to tell herself no, don't fall for this one. But once again her heart seems set on betraying her. The guilt seems to settle into her body more, insert itself into her brain. How many relationships, how many feelings could she juggle?

—

_a/n: _if you read this, please review! with, read, would just be fine. just so i know! it's a bit messy :/


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